


The Not so Family Friendly Feud

by CrackGoblin



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Cannibalism, Crack, Dark Crack, Established Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter, Hannibal Lecter is a Cannibal, M/M, Sassy Will Graham, Will Graham Knows
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:42:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28248588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrackGoblin/pseuds/CrackGoblin
Summary: In which Will calls Hannibal a bitchboy, and exchanges his antique settee for a couch upholstered in denim.
Relationships: Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter
Comments: 2
Kudos: 30





	The Not so Family Friendly Feud

**Author's Note:**

> I dedicate this to DILF CHILIS

It had started out with a disagreement. Hannibal had thrown out Wills favorite pair of worn in sneakers, and when confronted he showed no sign of remorse for his companions upset. Will would have gotten over it eventually.... had Hannibal not proceeded to throw out all of Wills worn comfortable jeans and replace them with slacks, dress pants and designer denims. Now that was just TOO far. So what if half of them had worn spots or stains from fishing? He liked those damn jeans just how they were. And after he came home to find all his shirts replaced with dressy button downs and fancy bajillion thread count tees, he decided something needed to be done. 

That is why when Hannibal came home whistling happily from a successful hunt, it was only to find his antique settee that had survived three kings and a revolution had been replaced by a couch. But oh, not just any couch. A salvation army couch upholstered ENTIRELY with worn in denim.

"WILLIAM! where is my settee? What have you done?" Hannibals voice boomed in the open house and was followed by heavy steps down the stairs.

"Hm? Oh." Wills malicious smile was bright and on full display. "Must be where my sneaks, pants and flannels went. I believe they are enjoying each others company, dont you, Hannibal?"

Said cannibal was not impressed. In fact, his eyes threatened to slice Will on the spot.

"William. That was a carefully restored piece of history-"

"Oh you CANNOT BE SERIOUS. That ugly thing deserved to be thrown in a dumpster. Maybe now that you know how it feels you wont mess with my things. Even that couch looks better." Turning his back, Will headed towards the stairs he had just come down.

However right before his foot met with the first step he felt the familiar spress of a needle into his neck. He could barely get out his "WHAT THE FUCK HANNIBAL?!" before everything slipped away under a blanket of black.

~~~~~~

When Will next opened his eyes it was to a bright light shining overhead. That, coupled with being tied down to the cold metal table and also being intimately acquainted with the room already meant he knew exactly where he was. He cleared his throat.

"Ah. After everything, this is was causes you to kill me? Really? Seriously Hannibal, this is a bit dramatic, even for you."

"I see you've finally awoken, William." The older man stepped into Wills line of sight, dressed in an operating smock and elbow high gloves. "I assure you that I have no intention of killing you, even with the knowledge that the settee you so gleefully threw out was worth far more than your clothes; which were already falling apart by the seam. I believe I did you a favor in disposing of them."

At this point Will knew he was in for a Hannibal monologue and wondered if there was any way to reach the scalpel and just slice his own neck to save himself from having to listen.

"Did I not provide suitable replacements? They are of much higher quality than your previous attire. Tell me, Will-"

"OH. MY. GOD. Hannibal just SHUT up. Get to stabbing or whatever it is you're planning. I cant take one of your conversational power trips right now. I've met Karen's who make less of a big deal over things than you."

The cannibals eyebrow twitched and he reached over to grab a mask attached to a tank of gas. Well, atleast Will wouldnt be awake for whatever the fuck was going on.

"As I was getting to, the value of that settee was much more substantial than your clothes. I will settle the debt myself unless you deem it appropriate to tell me where it is."

At that Will just snorted and stared back unflinchingly. "Nope. Nice try. You can shove that settee right up your rear if it will fit with that metal rod you already have up there."

"Last chance William. Where is my-"

"Do your worst, bitchboy."

With a growl Hannibal shoved the mask down over Wills smirk and watched him slowly sink into a deep sleep.

~~~~

To say that Hannibal was a downright pain in his side would now be too close to the truth. Will had awoken to find one kidney and part of his liver removed onto a sterile metal plate next to the wheelchair Hannibal had set him in. And If that hadn't been enough, he was now parked across the table as the man who took them cut into the meat and brought it to his lips.

He supposes it would be worse, he could be getting the Gideon treatment.


End file.
